PLAYER TO HUSBAND

Let me introduce my self. My name is M. Jamal, I am the author of the upcoming novel "From Player to Husband." I know the transformation from Player to Husband is real. I have had the pleasure of being married for ten beautiful years. I want to thank everyone for their comments. Each comment is an enlightening thought and is greatly appreciated. Each week there will be a different topic for you to express your opinion. I hope you find the topics interesting enough to share this site with a friend. Peace, M Jamal

Sunday, February 4, 2007

AFFAIRS

Why do Men and Women who sincerley love and admire their mate, have affairs? And if exposed, what does it take for the relationship to survive? If this has happened to you or someone you know please elaborate.

15 comments:

it dont pay said...

I think its due to the sexed crazed culture we live in, everything is given to you in a sexual manner. look at how they promote milk, beer, music any advertisement. People are constantly bombarded with sexual inuendo. its placed on your mind 24 hours a day. the leader of the free world made oral sex fair seeming. i quote "i did not have sexual relations with that woman!!" well what the hell was it. this makes it very difficult when we are naturally attracted to one another already. i dont condone the behavior but unless you are on constant guard i can see how one can possibly stray away from their mate although they are in love with their mate. as far as the relationship surviving trust has to be reestablished through honesty and the person who cheated has to face up to why they cheated.

Gerald "A.K.A." TWEET said...

Women who are in love don't usually cheat unless they have been hurt by their mate. If a woman does cheat she wasn't in love with her mate or they let the fire in their relationship die.
Men on the other hand have little control of their "SWILLA" coupled with the fact we have a higher sex drive than most women doesn't help matters. To make things worse, women are giving pussy away out of both panty legs. Your relationship can survive if you and your mate are truely in-love with each other, but it will be a hard road to travel to get their trust back. If you want it bad enough and it's worth saving then it will be saved.

Make no mistake about though, you will be reminded about it for a long time to come before things are back right and back tight again. The best advice I have is keep your clothes on and if you can't don't get caught with pants down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tink342000 said...

yo Mall,you bout to kill em wit this book.Player to husband...stop it.I think i`m in there somewhere.Maybe animal to husband(ha ha).On the for real though,let me know the release date so i can pick-up a copy.Peace...Tink

40yr old Virgin said...

Men get weak and women get weak despite whatever commitments they originally made to their mate. Problem is some faults are harder to forgive than others so if you have an affair trust is a hard thing to re-establish after being broken. What does it take to keep the relationship abreast after an affair? I think Gerald summed it up best when he said you should keep the johnson on leash or close the legs(in the woman's case). Not trying to piggie back on other commentors but 'it don't pay' summed it up well, if you are in that situation you have to deal with the root cause of why you had the affair from the get. If not, you still gonna have madd drama in your life.

aj from the K said...

Let’s define sincerity. Sincerity is true; it is consistent with fact or reality; not false. Let’s define love. Love is not an emotion…love is an act of the will. Love is seeking the best interest for the person you are exhibiting love toward. Love is an action; it’s giving – not taking. It is putting the needs of others (especially your mate) before your own.

Now, men and women who sincerely love and admire their mates have affairs because:
Neither has sincerely defined love. Neither has considered the ramifications of the affect an affair will have on the mate. Neither has taken the time to consider how an affair would disenable them, if their mates were having an affair (if the shoe was on the other foot). Both have blatantly disregarded the possible consequences if exposed; and both are exercising selfishness, lack of discretion and poor judgment.

To sum it up...we are living in selfish times. There was a time when we respected others enough to restrain ourselves. A time when we respected ourselves enough to say “no, I can not do this”. We are living in a date and time where the majority is living by the hedonistic rule “if it feels good, do it”. While all of us have the freedom to choose what we will do, we neglect to consider the affect our choices will have on others. We have the freedom, but with that freedom, comes responsibility. Our responsibility to our mates includes honesty, integrity and fidelity.

Now once an affair has happened and been exposed, in order for the relationship to survive, the foundation of the relationship has to be sincere love. If the relationship was strong before the affair (and the affair is truly over), it will take the rebuilding of the broken trust, honesty, integrity and fidelity. The exposed party will have to ask for forgiveness and refocus his/her attention to the mate. The exposed party will have to be accountable and rebuild the safety net the relationship use to have. The exposed party will have to be patient and allow the mate (and self) to heal. Hearts and trusts were broken and that doesn’t heal overnight nor because someone has said “I’m sorry” or “I won’t do it again”. Time, perseverance, hard work, prayer and hope from both parties will mend most relationships. If both parties are in it for the long haul...the relationship will heal and mend.

Anonymous said...

Some have an affair because they can; some do it because they want to; and some do it because they believe they are missing something. I will go with the latter...some have affairs because they think they are missing something.
Once the affair is exposed it will be very hard to recover because the very thing that holds it together is destroyed...that is the trust!!! Nothing is ever final, but death. Which means the relationship can be rebuilt. It is an inevitable part of life...everything that is built at some point will be destroyed to make way for the new. This is real talk. I am not saying that a relationship as to have an affair to make it good, however you learn to appreciate what you have, once you have been through some bad times.
Your mindset as a couple must change. Regardless of who may have been the guilty party in the relationship, both played a part in the affair. Every problem has a solution and every problem has a origin. You must ID starting point of the problem to try and correct the mistake that has taken place.
Think about this for a moment...if you decided to start over (at the beginning) and go on the same identical path and you think you will have a different result, then you are a FOOL! When you decided to start over, (at the beginning when everything was so right) you must take a different path because the first path you took ended in an affair. Logic tells me that you must do something different. That difference is to change the mindset of both parties involved to restore the trust.
If before you would leave for hours at a time with out calling; or not answer your cell when your mate calls; or coming in the house at 6:00am in the morning. You must change that behavior. He or she may want you to answer your cell everytime(that maybe sill), but it is real for your mate to restore trust. Unaccounted time is unacceptable and being out to 6 in the morning is never good. Ain't nothing open after 2:00am, but legs and Casinos.
My point to this all is that the relationship can be rebuilt, if the couple work very,very, very hard and both are honest. They can restore the trust and the passion that they had for each other at the beginning of the relationship. I believe this is what the book "From Player to Husband" will be based on, a boys mindset to that transformation of a man mindset.
As I stated above, "You BELIEVE you are missing something". That maybe true, but is it something that you can't live without? Is it something detrimental to the relationship? If it is then move on, but more than likely...probably not.
What GOD put together can only be destroyed by man and woman. And man and woman typically destoy a relationship, that's why the divorce rate is over 50%. What's your comment?
The Realist

Anonymous said...

One reason the men cheat is because they aren't getting what they need from home and they should handle the situation different but nine times out of ten their woman is a good woman they just lack in certain areas and some men go out and find what they don't get at home and it is 100% wrong but it the truth...

Walter said...

I believe it deals with a selfish and laziness. If they truly cared they could have taken the time to discuss their issues with their partner. Instead, they chose to do something to hurt their partner. I personally feel it is extremely heartless to carry on a long term affair.
It takes a great deal to make a relationship work after these occassions, due to the selfish and heartless nature being exposed. I highly doubt most men would come out and tell their partner of the affair, so they had to be caught. It would just take an extremely understanding woman to want to work the relationship out.

A good friend on a different level said...

first of all if you choose to have an affair you wouldnt put yourself in a position where it canbe exposed because you have to protect your mate from being hurt. People date for years and no one ever knows and the mate never gets hurt. No one wants to experience loosing someone they love and would like to spend the rest of their life with. When doing something like this thats why you have to be careful because relationships like this is not always about sex. It could be just a good friend on a different level.

Anonymous said...

Sincerely "love and admire" are the operative words. No one has an affair because they "love or admire" their to be lover. An affair happens when someone is looking for excitement and passion period. If you marriage or long term relationship is lacking excitement and passion it is no ones fault but the people involved. Any committed relationship takes alot of hard work and that applies to romance and sex as well. Quit being lazy !!

Anonymous said...

I think it is due to laziness. If the grass looks greener on the other side that means you need to put more fetilizer and water on yours. Remember what Johnnie Taylor said "Whose making love to your ole lady/man while you were out making love?" Watch yourself !!!

Anonymous said...

Bottom line,

People cheat because they want to.

Anonymous said...

It don't pay but many have stated that it's done because two people are attracted to one another, even if they are in a relationship. Some may say why be in the relationship if you are going to cheat. A lot of people feel that way...they will cheat, because there was and isn't a set standard to which couples interact now. It's about the indiviual not the couple. You learn and grow, either together or apart. There's alot to be said about men and how complex we are. Some may say we think with the wrong head...but it's in use and we can't cut it out...

drea said...

they look for a quick fix of something that they are missing from home. I think that after one cheats that becomes a huge trust issue. if there is no trust then there is just a simple but complicated relationship. it is hard to forgive someone for wanting to be happy because it was a loss for you. you feel like you've been cheated on yet the other thinks they were trying to find happiness or that something was missing out of the relationship. the key to being happy is being open. ask your mate you never know if they can tolerate an open relationship. they may say yes. you never know until you try. it hurts more to creep than to let your intentions be known. i feel you cant blame someone if they told you up front becuase you were faced with a choice of dealing with it or not. when that decision is taken away that is when the betrayal and lack of trust sinks in. good luck. good men are not that hard to find. just make up your mind in the beginning of what you will or will not tolerate.

Anonymous said...

Men have affairs because they can...The Sex! to not be able to have something makes it all the more alluring and desirable. women are out there that will give it up to a married man in a second. i thought about having an affair but i realized i have too much to loose and of course the fear of getting caught is a big factor as well.

God and the power of prayer is the only thing that will keep a couple from straying.